Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
