If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're a waste of cheezeits
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
