doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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