New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
