Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
