I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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