You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
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$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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