oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
