I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize