U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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