So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
