Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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