does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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