Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Reggie can tackle my bush.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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