At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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