My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
40s are totally the cure
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
