it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
