went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
