I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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