she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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