mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
