FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
