you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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