I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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