woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
