I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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