yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
