I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
