highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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