I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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