So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
