it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
