What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
