I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
