So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
