Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
