We're facebook friends in real life
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
