How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
