Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
