I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
