I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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