Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
