Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The air was thick with penises
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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