capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
