areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize