I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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