He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
