Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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