Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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