he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
