Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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