But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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