Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
