I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
