I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
