shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
