You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
