i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
