No awkward lesbian experiences without me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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