so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
