but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
