i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
