The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
