sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
