bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
