wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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