I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
