One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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