we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
