I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
